About Compulsive Writer

I am a compulsive writer. I get an idea in my head and I have to get it on paper at that moment. I cannot wait a second. I have to write it down. I write without reservations. I write for God. It is my mission. I write from my humanity and imperfection. I am simply doing my utmost to follow His will for my life. I write what comes into my head without the advantage or disadvantage of censorship. So take it for what it is worth. If I write something you find worthy of comment, let me know. If you agree or not, tell me anyway. I want to know the reaction my writing gives you, the reader. I am God’s unique creation and I am smart, outgoing, happy, loveable, cute, dependable, creative, kind, full of crap sometimes, and I can keep you guessing about what kind of crazy stunt I am going to pull next! I count blessings, use my imagination, keep confidences, seek wisdom, value truth, accept differences, forgive, love truly, keep an open mind, pray without ceasing, write obsessively and read every book I can get my hands on. God is my compass, inspiration, constant, foundation on which all things in my life are placed. He is the ink in my well, the pages on which I write the words in my soul. This is who I am; an imperfect human called by God to write…I am a writer.

Red String Fairytale

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“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
The thread may stretch or tangle,
but it will never break.”
– an ancient Chinese belief

Once upon a time, there was a boy who saw an old man. The old man was the wisdom keeper of his village. The old man said that there was a red string that connected people who were meant to be. Tied from wrist or ankle of the destined souls. It is invisible unless the two people are standing close together. The thread will tangle and stretch across the world but will not break. The naive boy said that he was never getting married and would never fall in love. The old man took the boy to a small village close by and pointed towards a girl whom the boy was destined to be with. The old man then pointed to the boy’s wrist and to the girl’s. In the glimmer of the sun a small thin red string sparkled like rare rubies tied to his right wrist and her left. The boy became angry and threw a rock at the poor girl. She ran away.

A few years later, the boy was going to be arranged in marriage as was the custom of his village. The night before the marriage, he asked to see the face of the woman who was to be his bride. She lifted a veil that was covering her face. He saw that she was beautiful and fell instantly in love with her. She smiled and turned away. She was hiding something. He reached for her face and gently caressed her cheek. She then revealed that she had a scar on her face because a rock hit her when she was a girl.

He was distraught and sorry. She looked  at him and said, “I forgive you for the hurt you gave me. I forgive you for the scar. You are my fate, my history and my future. I love you”

and the lived happily ever after.

Just Walk Away

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We have all heard the old saying , Not my circus not my monkeys. It is true that when we try to wrangle monkeys that are not ours that we risk the chance of getting hurt or used.

When you find yourself in a situation that is not yours some times our first instinct it to help. If we can and it is the right thing to do we should help. Other times it is just our desire to feel needed or useful and helping is not the right thing to do. Maybe there is someone who has better skills or resources to help. Let them. It isn’t always your place to calm the storms that other create. Often getting sucked in the storm will cause you pain or unnecessary heartache.  Listen to your gut and follow what is right. If it is right to act then act. If your gut tells you to stop, don’t get involved, pay attention.

Reserve your right to literately walk away from the chaos that is not yours. Leave the situation that you can not or should not try to calm.

What Do You Want for Yourself?

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A dear friend asked me tonight, “What do you want for yourself?” My first response was I want to be happy, but I am happy. I have given this question some thought and here is what I came up with…..What do you want for yourself?

I want of a simple life with sweet moments of love and respect with friends and family.

I want to sleep soundly and wake up slowly with no pressure of a place to go.

I want to be free of man-made constraints of time and space.

I want to live fully and experience all that I can one adventure after another.

I want joy and wonder in the little things.

I want to be loved and to love.

I want moments in time that stand still. You know that moment that you say, life is good and want it to stay that way.

I want to help everyone I can and pray for those who I can’t help.

I want to surround myself with happy and successful  people.

I want to be a problem solver. When something goes wrong I want to figure out a solution instead of wallowing in self pity.

I want to be successful.

I want to be limitless in thought.

I want a balanced life.

 I want passion.

I want to write.

I want to be happy.

I want to be free to be me.

I want to be committed to all of the above.

 

 

Worth the Risk

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Love is handing another person  the weapon that will destroy you and trusting them not to use it. Love and trust go hand in hand. I have learned that even if you know that you will get hurt or suspect that you may get hurt, it is always worth the risk to love.

If you are wrong and the result of allowing yourself to be vulnerable, raw and exposed leaves you content, happy, cherished by another human, you will find that life is good. It is the good in life that makes it worth living.If we don’t love and allow ourselves to be loved, why are we here?

We, humans, were originally created to for the pleasure of God. We were created to love. We are here to love and be loved. It is evil who came in filled the human heart with corrupt thinking that drove out the pure simple desire of love. Left in its place was the desire of greed, selfishness, dishonesty and envy. Love can not survive where evil resides.

True, you may love and not be loved in return. You may love and expose your heart just to have it pulverized by any of those hateful things. I challenge you to look past the evil to the good, even if it was for a very short time. There are lessons to be learned in the experience of pain. Don’t try to anticipate pain. If you do, you run the risk of a self fulfilling prophecy. This is tempting fate to lash out and hurt you.

Love and live in the moment. Enjoy every second as if it is the only one. Move from one moment to the other, absorbing the love and happiness. That is where your soul will find peace. Where there is peace you will find God.

Love is worth the risk. Choose love.

 

 

 

Walls

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We all have walls in our hearts. They can be tall and thick. Sometimes there is a person who comes along and hurts you by adding a brick or two to the wall. Other times someone hurts you to the point that you become a one person construction crew and erect a monument to the pain. Your masonry skills improve with each brick and each hurtful event.

The thing is the walls don’t stop the hurt. They delay it. They hide it.The hurt is still there and when you look at the wall you still hurt.

The trick is to deal with the pain. Confront it and show it who’s boss. You control your reaction to what others do to you. You control how you deal with your feelings. It still hurts but you have to decide how to deal with the hurt.

Now excuse me while I go lay some bricks and mortar. I have a wall to repair.

Early Morning Moments

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I think my favorite time of day is sunrise. No one is awake but me. The stillness is all around. As the world wakes up bit by bit. At first it is just me and my coffee listening to the sound of sleeping and birds.

There is something about that first few moments when sleep is still hanging on to you like a mist. Is that thought you just had a dream or a real thought that you should act on in a moment? That moment is even sweeter when your lover who is also in the sleep mist and reaches over to wrap his or her arms around you in a sleepy haze. That comfortable moment when they hold you close and snuggle. Its pure uninhibited feelings. When someone is in that fuzzy asleep and awake space they don’t have it in consciences to lie, deflect or hide feelings. Its is raw. It is true.

That moment, that dozy moment when the mind is sleeping and the heart is awake, you learn a lot  about your lover and yourself. You can ignore what they have been saying and listen to their heart. See their motivations in the actions of their unconscious mind. Do they touch you? Do they smile?

Then when they wake up more fully and they wrap you in passion, it gets no better than that. Two hearts connected before two bodies. It can be a spiritual experience and a closeness that comes from not overthinking the feelings. This heart connection goes beyond the physical connection. It is the meeting of two hearts in that dreamy space between heaven and reality. That is the place where heart connections are forged.

This moment also works when connecting with your kids. The best snuggle time comes at this moment right before your kids wake up and beg for cereal. If there are teenagers, this is the best time to ask if they really didn’t sneak out at midnight. Ask about their grades and other important stuff. They tend to tell the truth in that moment.

Next time you find yourself dozing in the early hours of the morning consider who you are with and what they do. Let yourself get lost in the moment. Life is built moment by moment.

New Species

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I have discovered a new species of human. Well, not new you some of you but new to me. This species is skillful in creating it’s own environments due to its unlimited imaginations. This life form is social in the environments it has created with rules and guidelines. Others join the creator in this world and add their own elements to the creativity. A social creation of life, as it were. This being is also very talented at bantering within the social group. They use various dice, books, and other tools to create the world they operate in with cunning and problem solving. This creature is called a Gamer.

I am like Jane Goodall observing her primates to learn their habits and way of life as I sit and observe my new friends as they play a role playing game that has some thing to do with Star Wars. They create within rules of the game designer, characters that are as well thought out as any character in a novel or movie script. They roll dice to decide different actions. The dice are not normal with dots on each side. They are triangles, diamonds and squares with numbers, symbols and dots.

These gamers are a different breed of storyteller. They spin tales as they maneuver in the environment that they designed. They are in a sense writers. I am amazed at all the aspects of the games that they have to remember. I see some note taking and consulting of manuals, but for the most part they have to keep in their head what is happening on many levels.

I plan to learn more about the strange species of human since I have befriended them and they have accepted me into the group as an observer. I see that this relationship could be a mutual beneficial one. For me, I can collect plenty of writing fodder. For them, I am a willing creator of yummy sustenance and the go getter of beer.

This could be a fun adventure. I will keep you posted with dispatches from the field.